Get Your Groove On with Happy Songs
Dance your blues away with Happy songs.
I dare you: Let your happy song flow from your heart.
Here is my Happy Songs playlist. These songs uplift my mood, brings a smile to my face and my body comes alive.
My blog is mainly focused on being happy and living happy. But things are changing… I want to take a moment to reflect on something that’s important to me and has become part of my core message and belief:
My big vision is to change the outlook on curvy bodies. I would like girls with curves to wear clothes that someone with their body type typically doesn’t, with confidence.
My mission is to impact women lives by inspiring women to feel comfortable in their own skin. Aspire to be their true powerful self.
I get so many compliments and enquiries on how I achieved confidence, and how I stay body positive, in a world where we’re made to feel as if we don’t deserve to be stylish and beautiful, due to our size. In a world where our size is viewed so negatively
I started thinking about Rocking your Curves (body confidence), and how to define it.
I started to reflect on ways I’ve built my own body confidence through the years. Considering my own personal struggle to accept my natural curves most of my life. Battle with emotional eating, excessive exercise, cycle of weight loss and weight gain, I thought it was time to share my personal style of rocking my curves.
Many women, like yourself, who are uncomfortable with their bodies, avoid looking at themself in the mirror, especially in the nude. There is highly possibility seeing yourself in the nude can change your perception of your body, radically! We mean the positive way.
Let’s try an experiment and see what happens. Do your hair and makeup in the nude and then look at yourself in the mirror. Do this maybe twice a week for 3 weeks. Trust me, it will start to change the way you see and look at your body. This will help you become more comfortable facing yourself in the mirror. This way to will get used to seeing your reflection without any judgements
Yes, I talk to myself all the time. No, I am not a crazy person- I know you talk to yourself too!
We tend to focus on what we don’t like about ourselves. We judge ourselves to the point where we dislike sometimes hate our bodies. But instead of critical thoughts, focus on what you like about yourself, having positive thoughts about your body and looks.
Tell yourself how proud you are that your body can do. Maybe you’re a new mom and although there are things about your post-baby body you’re still trying to deal with, be proud that your body carried a new life. You gave birth to an amazing little person.
Maybe you dislike showing your arms, but you’re a brilliant baker, so you should be thankful for those strong arms that can whip up a delicious dessert like nobody’s business! By now I’m sure you’ve gotten the point.
Whatever your body hang-ups are, find a way to change/reframe the negative into a positive. (like we did above).
Next time when you with a group of ladies, there will at some point be body-bashing conversation. Turn the conversation around by mentioning what you like about your body. Discuss the things you love about your bodies vs. the things you loathe. This will change the tone of the conversation and as well make it upbeat. The positivity will spread like wildfire
Let’s get real. We live in the real world of chores, jobs, kids, traffic, cooking, cleaning…
It’s impossible to look like models or celebrities all the time – Perfect skin, hair, clothes. Real women have freckles, uneven skin tones, stretch marks, cellulite, etc. No one is perfect, so please don’t set these idealistic standard of beauty for yourself.
Aspire to be the best version of yourself, not the unrealistic ideals of beauty and body we see in the media. Redefine your version of beauty and body. What works for you!
The fashion police are always investigating fashion crimes by celebrities. These so-called fashion crimes are transferred to the public through gossip magazines, websites or TV. This behaviour becomes acceptable way of viewing celebrities, people and ultimately the one you see in the mirror. Instead of looking for serious flaws, give a compliment, and mean it! Celebrate the flaws!
Over time, you’ll start to compliment yourself and appreciate your flaws. Its will cool to be FLAWSOME!
Looking good to make yourself feel good may not seem right. But It’s a great start. For most of us, making the effort to look good, makes us feel good internally. Great booster for your confidence! Remember it’s a great way to start feeling good about your body and yourself. Feeling good about yourself is so much more than the clothes you wear.
For you, that might mean going au naturel on the daily, or never leaving the house without a full face of makeup. Either way, try to take care of yourself in the ways that make you feel good. Go the extra mile and paint your nails, get a weekly blow out, learn to do a perfect top knot- whatever it is that makes you feel amazing, do that! Find a formula that works for you.
I used to be very fearful in the past when people would look my way. I thought they were laughing at me, or how weird my highlights looked on hair or if my clothes were hideous. Now, when I catch somebody looking at me, I smile at them and nod my head. At the same time, my heart is pounding and my nerves are shot.
Smiling sends a message to your mind to feel good and in turn your body into thinking you feel confident and amazing. The heart beat slows down, the body is calm. Adds a little sparkle to face and a spring in your step.
I WANT YOU TO TAKE A MOMENT AND THINK ABOUT THE KIND OF RELATIONSHIP YOU HAD WITH YOUR MOTHER
What did it look like? How did it/does feel? Is it good or sad times?
Mum’s are one of the most pivotal players in our growth as children. They help form the very foundation of our emotional and mental development. To this very day our mums or mother-like person continue to influence us both through our deeply ingrained perceptions of life and through our feelings towards ourselves and other people.
Bless our mothers for they tried their best to nurture us. Consciously or unconsciously some mothers have left deep wounds in their children. – Laced with shame, guilt and obligation.
I just thought I mention this before I continue with this blog. I am writing this blog on the day that should be positive, representing love and nurturing. I am the voice of many who feel it more profoundly today. This is not about making you feel bad it’s about finding some healing of this trauma or wound that resides in your heart and mind.
The Mother Wound is yearning for your mother’s love.
Its unresolved grief, fear, disappointment and resentment towards our mothers long into our adult lives. This deep pain is usually the result of unhealed wounds that are passed on from generation to generation. These wounds consist of toxic and oppressive beliefs, ideals, perceptions and choices.
Women have lived under patriarchal reign for centuries. This very patriarchal society and religions have been instrumental in defining a cultural ideal of what motherhood “should” be.
Because of unrealistic standards, women abandon their dreams, lock away their desires and stifle their needs to strive towards this cultural ideal. This repression is stifling for most women, breeding anger, depression and anxiety, which is then passed on to their children through subtle – or even aggressive – forms of emotional abandonment and manipulation (such as shame, guilt and obligation). This is the Mother Wound!
Don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming our mothers. It’s getting to understand the mother wound a little better. The good news is that you can learn to understand, repair and heal the wounded parts of you.
It’s vital to remember that our mothers are human with flaws. The sooner we embrace this reality, the better. They are not super-women. We would like them to be. It’s an impossible task. We must understand how much our mothers have gone through in the face of these oppressive ideals and unrealistic expectations. It is important that we realize that our mothers have their own wounds as a result. So, they cannot be perfect, (we not perfect too) no matter how hard they try. Do you get this? It’s crucial that you understand this. This is a great way towards forgiveness.
Healing the Mother Wound is a great way to embark on the awakening of the divine feminine within you (this subject is for another blog).
As a woman and a little girl who carries a very deep Mother Wound, I have experienced just how lonely and saddening it can be to feel the emotional and mental absence of your mother. I want to share with you three tips that will help you on your healing path (it has helped me and is still healing me):
Say it with me – My mother is a person first then she is my mother. It’s a very essential part of healing. She has had a lifetime of pain and joy before she became your mum. She too was a young girl full of dreams and desires. Discover that aspect of her to see her a whole being and not just your mother. Being your mum is just one part of her. Find your mother’s life story.
What are your expectations: “my mother should always be available,” “my mother should be my best friend,” “my mother should always love me,” and so forth?
STOP! Just stop waiting around to receive the love, support and validation of your mother. You know this – you can never change who she is! As you slowly learn to let go of this expectation, the healing begins.
Change your story by being a mother to yourself. Learning to love and nurture the wounded parts of yourself. Caring, seeing and giving voice to your inner child or wounded parts. Learning how to love yourself is a very powerful thing. On this journey, you will discover immense amount of healing and resourcefulness. Your wounds will dissolve into a greater compassion for life and yourself. Your start creating a new inner story with a profound inner acceptance.
Healing the Mother Wound within you will transform your life in amazing ways. You will be able to build healthier relationships with yourself and others. Feel more connected. Learn to live and enjoy life.
So, share with me below: what was life like with your mother? Do you still carry the Mother Wound? Would you like to heal your inner child pain and wounds? Get in Touch with us for a complimentary Get Clarity Coaching Session to determine how we can help you heal from the mother wound
Courage creates Confidence! It sounds upside-down, right? I am sure you are thinking that confidence gives you courage. Let’s explore this a little more.
Everybody wants more Confidence. It’s been said, published that confidence enables us to tackle life’s challenges with more certainty and clarity. With CONFIDENCE, we can do more, be more and live more … right?
While there’s no question that confidence is a valuable attribute, there is another quality, often undervalued, that may well be even more effective. In fact, it might just be the key to building truly sustainable confidence! COURAGE…
Confidence: A feeling of self-assurance. A state or quality of being certain. The feeling or belief in one’s own abilities or qualities.
Courage: The ability to do something that even when you scared. Act on one’s beliefs despite danger or disapproval. The ability to do something that you know is right or good, even though it can be the most difficult thing.
Confidence lives in the comfort zone. It loves to operate within the realm of safety. It excels in what is known. This where confidence thrives. The power and certainty is based on past experiences and a build-up of achievements over time. This comfort zone is limiting. Let me give you an example. A person can be extremely confident at a task, but at the same time avoid trying a very different type of work because they don’t want to risk appearing foolish.
Now Courage is the willingness to try new different things. Take action even if we are not feeling sure of ourselves. For example, leaving a successful profession to strike out on your own requires great courage. If you’re painfully shy, learning to speak up at meetings or social functions is courageous. True courage is the willingness to risk discomfort. Doing things while being scared. We break-up with fear and move forward, building boat loads of confidence along the way.
In my opinion, courage is the most important trait for developing resilience and creating positive change in your life. Courage provides the commitment that you need to start change and the passion stay on your path during times of doubt and insecurity. Life is unpredictable and can create roadblocks on our path when we least expect it. Only courage can take you forward.
It’s so easy to YES to life. No can be very challenging and tricky. No offends yet we forget that it also protects us. Learning to say No builds courage and confidence. Saying No helps you from making poor decisions. This tactic can help you stay focused and prevent unnecessary complexity and wrong turns.
2. Bend, Don’t Break
Learning to flexible and adaptable to life challenges and roadblocks build courage and resilience. This in turn makes one confident. You will be like a bamboo during storms. The roots are firmly in the ground but the bamboo bends in the direction of the wind. They rarely break. Changing your game plan and letting go will be easy, when things don’t go your way.
3. Saying NO
Choose one thing that you have been avoiding. The one thing that makes you uncomfortable. Write down what do you need to do to take the next step. Maybe reading more about it or asking for help. This way an understanding can be developed about the situation.
Starting today, why not challenge yourself to celebrate each encounter with fear as an opportunity to strengthen your courage muscles and grow your confidence
Feeling Discouraged and Defeated is the current atmosphere in South Africa.
This morning I didn’t feel like doing anything. It’s a combination of exhaustion from a few days of hard work, and a lack of sleep from the concerns of the future of this country. I just felt completely discouraged and defeated. I couldn’t motivate myself to do anything essential. I was overthinking things and doubting myself, and wondering whether anything I do is worthwhile. Can I sustain my business? My safety, my stability in life? Is this country going into anarchy? Should I immigrate? All these thoughts were zooming through my mind.
I sat there in this bleak mood for nearly 3 hours and wondered how to get out of it. Should I just forget about today? Should I just give up on this work, because I’m not as good at it as I thought I was? Give up because this country is going down? There is no hope or future?
This lasted for half a day. I am a Happiness and Confidence Coach! Damnit! I must have some tools in my confidence toolbox to help me with this funk. I found little nuggets in my mind that help me shift! YAY!
I know this sounds harsh. But it’s the truth.
We all at times put ourselves at the center of the universe, and see everything from the viewpoint of how it affects us. We become the victim. Poor me. Wallow in self-pity.
This morning, instead of worrying so much about myself, I thought about other people I might help. I decided to help a few people with their happiness and confidence challenges. I have shifted my focus to other people and what others need. I feel more hopeful
Today my head was buzzing about ‘what is not’.
Arguing with myself and life how it should be. Remember, happiness is allowing yourself to be perfectly OK with ‘what is’. Think about that for a minute. This means your anguish is a result of your viewpoint of the situation. Although you can’t control everything that happens to you; you can only control the way you respond to life. In your response is your power. In your power is your presence.
We all have this picture in our minds of ourselves – this fix idea of what kind of person we are. When this idea gets threatened, we react defensively. We become angry or hurt by the criticism. My identity of myself as someone who’s cheerful, creative and has great ideas… this was getting in the way this morning. When I wasn’t creative, it made me feel defeated because worrying that I wasn’t who I thought I was.
The key was to realize that I’m not just one thing. I can be cheerful and at times sad. Sometimes I can be extremely creative and other times have no ideas. The truth is, I can be many things, and remembering this helps me stretch my identity so it isn’t so fragile. I am less than perfect. And that’s perfectly OK.
I have squandered my time on trivial thoughts this morning. I was reminded by a phone call that I have a limited number of days on earth. Each day is a gift, a miracle. Wasting this miracle is a horrible crime. I need to make this day count with something worthwhile. Moving and doing. My worthwhile activity was to put the music on and dance to make me happy.
I tend to complain out loud when I feel discouraged to everyone around me. I moan and everything is a problem and not perfect. I know complaining does not work as a strategy. Any amount of time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve anything worthwhile. And it won’t make us any happier either.
If you took 20% of the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving your problem, you’d be surprised by how well and how fast things can work out. You are likely to solve 80% of your problem. I know (as a life coach) we all have more power, authority, and influence over our lives than we often believe.
When we feel defeated, typically our first instinct is to blame someone or something outside. We ought to be looking at how we’re feeling, what we’re thinking, and how we plan to respond. This is the reality of our country people. It could be a change of heart, a change in your perspective, or a change in your habit. Your life is your responsibility. While you can’t always change external factors, you can certainly change your experience of it.
It can be hard to get moving when you’re gravely stuck. This is how I felt for a long time. Stuck in a rut. Aimless, confused! It was hard to inspire myself when I felt insanely horrible and sorry for myself. Mustering the little energy I had, I took a tiny step. I took another tiny step. And it showed me the next step was possible, and the next. And the result is this blog you’re reading now.
Yes, I’m still feeling a little fragile. I’m a bit stronger, because I took these steps.
I know some of you feel the same way from time to time. That’s OK. We all do. We are not everyready batteries. We are human, which means we fumble, we doubtt, and we feel anguish. Time is a great healer.
How do you inspire yourself when you’re feeling discouraged and defeated? Leave a comment below and share your insights and experience?
Stress Busting is really needed in today’s fast paced world. Stress is something that everybody deals in their lives. The right dose of stress can actually be good for us. It can make us perform better when needed.
However, if you are in constant state of anxiety and stress it can begin to take its toll, physically, mentally and emotionally. To live a happy and healthy life we need to learn how to deal with stress effectively. I used to get stressed out about so many things, some of which were nothing to stress out about at all. Over the years though, I have learnt many techniques and tools that help me effectively deal with stressful times in my life.
So next time you feel that stress creeping in, try out some of my stress-busting tips. I’d love to share them with you, because although they might seem like common sense, you’d be surprised how many of them you simply aren’t doing.
Please let us know. Don’t be shy. Insert your stress buster in the comments section. We would love to hear from you.
Yes! You are reading correctly. I know it sounds unrealistic and sounds too good to be true Let me elaborate.
Every day we experience life. These experiences develop into little stories. The stories that impact us the most (positive and negative) are stored internally. They entail details of our experiences, about people, places and about life in general. The stories significantly impact how we feel. If the stories are positive, we tend to feel good. If the stories are negative, we tend to lose hope.
The stories we tell ourselves don’t just influence how we feel – they alter what we see, what we experience, and what we know to be true. This is one of the primary reasons multiple people can go through the same experience, but explain it differently. E.g. People witness the same accident but the details will be different – feeling, colour, texture, behaviour, etc. Each of us may enter a shared experience with a different story echoing through our mind. Our unique story – our inner dialogue – alters the way we feel every step of the way, and so each of us exits this shared experience with a slightly different feeling about what just happened.
If we want to get on the same page with one another, and garner a better understanding of reality, we must do a little work.
Our wide-range of different painful past experiences: Being deeply heartbroken, lost our parents, siblings or children to accidents and illnesses, dealt with infidelity, fired from jobs discriminated against for various reasons, being bullied, etc. At times, we experience a situation that triggers our painful story from the past, it shifts our perspective in the present – it narrows it.
It’s just a defence mechanism to protect us from uncertainty and fear. Our mind does not like the discomfort of uncertainty and fear. So, our mind uses the information from our past stories to eliminate the doubts and fears. Our old stories and past experiences are filters to make better sense of everything in the present. And while this approach works sometimes, other times our old stories and past experiences hinder us.
This is where a little reframing helps us move forward. Reframing tools have been proven to change our thoughts and stretch our perspectives. Today, I want to take a brief look at one of these reframing tools with you…
Many of the biggest misunderstandings in life could be avoided if we would simply take the time to ask, Is there another side to the story.
“There is a real possibility that …” can be applied to any life situation,
For example, perhaps your boyfriend didn’t call you in the morning like they said they would. You’re feeling upset because you’re obviously not important to him. When you catch, yourself feeling this way, use the phrase:
“The story I am telling myself is that he didn’t call me because I’m not important to him.”
Then ask yourself:
Give yourself the space to think it all through with an open mind and kindness.
“I don’t know why he has not called yet, but there is a real possibility that…”
“There is a real possibility that…” and the three related questions gives you a tool for revisiting and reframing confusing situations that arise in your life. Detach yourself from the stories you’re telling yourself. Go deeper into reality. Don’t just look at the surface. Explore. Observe without presuming. Discover. With an objective mindset, which allows you to make better decisions and choices about everything.
“Who knows what you’ll see when you stop looking through a lens drastically narrowed by half-truths, and you start seeing things with a clearer mind. Maybe you’ll start seeing things you never saw before. Maybe you’ll start experiencing things you never experienced before. Maybe you’ll learn lots of new lessons you needed to learn. And maybe you’ll gradually become the person you always knew you could be.”
At the very least, I hope this post reminds you that positive thinking isn’t about expecting the best to happen every time – it’s about accepting what happens every moment, being aware and objective, and making the very best of every situation.
Today is the festival of colour or Happy Holi, celebrated by Hindus all over the world.
In the Southern hemisphere, we are in full force summer. Abundance of colour all around us. Caressing the eyes, soothing the senses, igniting our lives with passion and excitement. The vivid hues tantalising our taste and thirst for a vibrant life. Dazzling our dreams with pulsating energy. At times calming our minds and warming our hearts. A gentle glow glimmer of hope.
I love infusing colour in my life to create Happiness, Hope and Harmony. Every morning when I awake I ponder my day and select the colour that is needed for the day. Some days are filled with positive events and activities that are full of bright colours. Other days are filled with challenges that are dark and sombre. I love to use the rainbow of colours to start the day. It’s fun and easy way to create positivity and richness in your life. Colours invoke our emotions – either positively or negatively. Let’s see how we can use colours to impact our lives and happiness. (Scientist say colours can influence your mood)
Colours invoke pure pleasure and happiness. Infusing hope for something possible. There are many colours that might make you happy but the colours that I find to simply bring the greatest amount of happiness, hope and harmony into my life are red, black and orange.
Audacious women are successful. I have witnessed so many women online, professional women, celebrities, women in my life, I have read about them, watched them on TV. Audacious women who inspire me are Ellen DeGeneres, Oprah, Jane Goodman, Amelia Earhart, Junko Tabei, Zinc heroes – Sister Sudha Varghese, Coco Chanel, unlikely heroes, dreamers, and doers. These are ordinary women with extraordinary qualities.
These audacious women are seemingly tireless, relentlessly dedicated and endlessly curious. There’s always more, always better, always further to go further to reach further to climb…
The amazing part of this whole story is that these ladies are just like you and me (ordinary). Their extraordinary lives were not handed to them on a silver platter. They struggled, strained & stressed on their journey to success. They are ordinary people living extraordinary lives. They’re highly intelligent and sharply focused. From a distance, it may seem they have magical powers or come across as superwoman. But they ordinary women with extraordinary character and mind.
CHEERS TO AUDACIOUS SUCCESSFUL WOMEN
May we Know them,
May we Be them
May we Raise them
Learning from your experience is such a powerful skill. Many successful women acquire a “realisation” (over time) – they stop the old way of doing things. It’s a moment of splendour, insight and a huge AHA moment. It’s so great to be in this space. Can you imagine the possibilities and opportunities for new dreams and goals?
Here are the universal lessons that successful smart women learn and grasp. Its these insights that drive them to thrive in life. Propel them to flourish and prosper.
Smart successful women are not superwoman. They are human like you and me. They mess up like you and me. These women feel the pain of messing up like you and me. Smart women don’t want to experience pain again. They are willing to understand what caused it, change their game plan never to repeat it again……