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Archive for Relationships

After Valentines Day

Posted by Anjana Lala on
 February 15, 2018
after valentines day

After Valentines day, were you one of the many incredible and amazing people that had an awful Valentine’s day. I can feel your pain and hurt. Did you dread the day and felt like it was the longest day that would just not end?

Are you feeling not good enough because you did not get flowers, chocolates or gift? No one declared their undying love for you! Do you feel like there is something wrong with you? That is BS. Biggest lie that we tell ourselves. These are all the negative thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves. I have made it my passion to replace: I am not good enough with positive thoughts and vibes.

One way of doing this is using positive affirmations. If you want to up your feel-good factor and confidence I suggest adding positive affirmations to your daily routine. They must be personal, feel sacred and special for you.

I have included my top 10 positive affirmations below as encouragement to create a powerful sentence that inspires you.

  • I love and accept myself just the way I am today
  • I am powerful now. I can achieve anything I put my mind to.
  • I accept and approve of my body
  • I am intelligent, capable and competent
  • I believe in myself and free to be me
  • I trust myself to make good choices in life
  • I allow and give myself permission to receive good things in my life
  • I am completely open to new experiences in life.
  • I am loving lovable and loved
  • I am worthy of love, joy and abundance

How to use your affirmation:

  1. Sit in a quiet place comfortably
  2. Take a deep breath in for a count of 4.
  3. Hold the breath for a count of 4.
  4. Slowly exhale for a count of 6 as you say the affirmation in your mind.
  5. Repeat this process 3 times to invite each affirmation to resonate and vibrate into your mind and body.

Observe your thoughts and feelings during the exercise. Any time you notice a negative thought pattern or feeling, repeat your affirmation. At the end of your session, repeat the breathing exercise you started with. Just breath 3 times – no affirmations. This will help internalise and reinforce your affirmations.

This entire process is to build confidence that your thoughts, feelings and your actions are in alignment.

Reflections…

Reality of life:  People will come and go.  Events will come and go.  Day and night will come and go.  But deep unconditional love for yourself will always remain with you, if you nurture and nourish it. Make it one of your most important priority in life.

Over to YOU…

How are positive affirmations working for you? Do you use affirmations in your life?

Let us know in the comment section

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Cope with Valentines Day?

Posted by Anjana Lala on
 February 13, 2018
valentines-day

Valentines day! Day of hearts, chocolates and flowers.

But its not all rosy for many people. It’s a traumatic and sad for many. The expectation set out by commercial establishments had people waiting in anticipation. Only to have their hearts broken. I was one of the people who fell for the glamour/illusion of Valentine’s day. My heart was ripped to pieces. Have you had a similar experience? Well let me tell you.

Do you know that you’re very special and unique? There is no other person like you. You deserve to be loved by the most important person in your life — YOU. We are celebrating the month of love starting with YOU.

(YOU MATTER YOU SMART YOU KIND YOU POWERFUL YOU ♥ HEART)

Practicing self-love can be tough for many of us, especially when it Valentines. There is so much emphasis on romantic love. It can be extremely lonely. The void and the emptiness are amplified. Your self-worth gets a knock and you feel so rejected by life.

Does that seem or sound like you? We are focusing on YOU and loving you. It’s not about being self-absorbed or self-centred, it’s about getting in touch with ourselves, our well-being and our joy. We practice self-love, so we can break through our limiting beliefs. When you love yourself so deeply and unconditionally, magic happens. The loneliness and low self-worth disappears. You get so comfortable in your own skin that you do not need love and approval from outside. You may be wondering where to begin.

Below are 21 ways to love yourself: –loving yourself

 

 

 

  1. Start being honest with yourself about everything going on in your life.
  2. Accept where are right now in your life – without judgement
  3. Connect with your inner self and higher self
  4. Face your inner resistance, barriers and fears
  5. Be kind, compassionate towards yourself
  6. Forgive yourself and others
  7. Make peace with your past
  8. Start enjoying the things and relationships you already have
  9. Start dreaming and doing
  10. Start creating your own happiness – on your terms
  11. Build and nurture relationships where you feel appreciated and loved. Where you feel safe to be open and vulnerable
  12. Become the love you seek from other people
  13. Pay attention to your stress/worry/tension/anxiety levels and find ways to manage the stress/worry/tension/anxiety.
  14. Be yourself, genuinely and proudly
  15. Nurture and nourish your body
  16. Take care of your time, your space and your finances.
  17. Laugh more in life
  18. Find work and activities you love and that adds joy and meaning
  19. Believe in your abilities
  20. Find the positive during challenging times
  21. Flaunt your Flawsomeness!

Reflections….

Reality of life:  People will come and go.  Events will come and go.  Day and night will come and go.  But deep unconditional love for yourself will always remain with you, if you nurture and nourish it.

“Put these things on your TO-DO list today:

  1. Spend time doing things that help you love yourself more.
  2. Spend time with people who help you love yourself more.”

Over to YOU…

Are you ready to start loving yourself deeply and unconditionally?

Dealing with Disappointment

Posted by Anjana Lala on
 November 15, 2017
dealing with disappointment

Dealing with Disappointment

When last did you feel disappointment?

We experience Disappointment every day. It could be any incident in your life.

Maybe:

Your boss yelled at you for your monthly report, your friend did not pitch up for lunch, your mum did not like the gift, your hubby disliked your delicious meal you so excitedly prepared, you were overlooked for the promotion, the date was horrible, your business failed, your friend betrayed your confidence, your gained weight after all the healthy eating, your boyfriend had to work late on your birthday, and many more…

Disappointment makes you feel sad when things do not work-out as you expected. Some feel numb while others feel rejected. The bigger disappointments can hurt and wound deeply. It all depends how to deal with disappointments. It can affect your self-worth. But maybe not! Hmmm…

Art of Happiness Institute

Disappointment can be good for you. YES that’s correct! I tell you why:

  1. Its means you care deeply and are passionate about something. It’s a beautiful thing. These very emotions that drives you to do something. It motivates you to bring your dreams alive. An indication that you are in touch with your feelings
  2. Let-downs makes you resilient and stronger. I know you have read this so many times and it borders on cliché. But next time you will deal with disappointments in a better way and bounce back quicker because you understand the harsh feelings.
  3. Flops and failures create opportunities to grow (oops another cliché). Disappointments are caused by your expectations. Your expectations are based on your own set of assumptions. Now you have a great opportunity to revisit your assumption about the situation, self-belief and mind-set.  You can get your assumptions more aligned to the world. Finding new ways to achieve your desires. Gaining knowledge about yourself and your interaction with the world. Becoming a little wiser.

Your turn…

How do you deal with disappointment?  What’s the next smallest step you need to take to turn let-downs into opportunities?

Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with us.  We would love to hear from YOU.

 

 

Healing the Mother Wound

Posted by Anjana Lala on
 May 14, 2017
heal the mother would

HEALING THE MOTHER WOUND

Today is mother’s day. for some it’s a day of celebration, warmth and love. for some it’s a painful day full of old wounds surfacing. which one is it for you?

I WANT YOU TO TAKE A MOMENT AND THINK ABOUT THE KIND OF RELATIONSHIP YOU HAD WITH YOUR MOTHER

What did it look like? How did it/does feel? Is it good or sad times?

Mum’s are one of the most pivotal players in our growth as children. They help form the very foundation of our emotional and mental development. To this very day our mums or mother-like person continue to influence us both through our deeply ingrained perceptions of life and through our feelings towards ourselves and other people.

Bless our mothers for they tried their best to nurture us. Consciously or unconsciously some mothers have left deep wounds in their children. – Laced with shame, guilt and obligation.

I just thought I mention this before I continue with this blog. I am writing this blog on the day that should be positive, representing love and nurturing. I am the voice of many who feel it more profoundly today. This is not about making you feel bad it’s about finding some healing of this trauma or wound that resides in your heart and mind.

WHAT IS THE MOTHER WOUND?

The Mother Wound is yearning for your mother’s love.

Its unresolved grief, fear, disappointment and resentment towards our mothers long into our adult lives. This deep pain is usually the result of unhealed wounds that are passed on from generation to generation. These wounds consist of toxic and oppressive beliefs, ideals, perceptions and choices.

If you suffer from the Mother Wound you will experience some of the following challenges:

  1. Sabotaging yourself when you experience happiness or success
  2. Possessing undefined personal boundaries.
  3. Cannot say NO and being too submissive
  4. Self-blaming and low self-esteem. Feeling inadequate
  5. Co-dependency relationships
  6. Playing small to be likable and accepted
  7. The inability to speak up
  8. Not in touch with yourself – numb
  9. Self-Sacrificing for other people unnecessarily
  10. Waiting for your mother’s permission on an unconscious level to truly live life

LET’S EXPLORE WHERE DOES THE MOTHER WOUND COME FROM

Women have lived under patriarchal reign for centuries. This very patriarchal society and religions have been instrumental in defining a cultural ideal of what motherhood “should” be.

Because of unrealistic standards, women abandon their dreams, lock away their desires and stifle their needs to strive towards this cultural ideal. This repression is stifling for most women, breeding anger, depression and anxiety, which is then passed on to their children through subtle – or even aggressive – forms of emotional abandonment and manipulation (such as shame, guilt and obligation). This is the Mother Wound!

Don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming our mothers. It’s getting to understand the mother wound a little better. The good news is that you can learn to understand, repair and heal the wounded parts of you.

It’s vital to remember that our mothers are human with flaws. The sooner we embrace this reality, the better. They are not super-women. We would like them to be. It’s an impossible task. We must understand how much our mothers have gone through in the face of these oppressive ideals and unrealistic expectations. It is important that we realize that our mothers have their own wounds as a result. So, they cannot be perfect, (we not perfect too) no matter how hard they try. Do you get this? It’s crucial that you understand this. This is a great way towards forgiveness.

3 STEPS TO HEALING THE MOTHER WOUND

Healing the Mother Wound is a great way to embark on the awakening of the divine feminine within you (this subject is for another blog).

As a woman and a little girl who carries a very deep Mother Wound, I have experienced just how lonely and saddening it can be to feel the emotional and mental absence of your mother. I want to share with you three tips that will help you on your healing path (it has helped me and is still healing me):

  1. LEARN TO SEE YOUR MOTHER AS A PERSON

Say it with me – My mother is a person first then she is my mother. It’s a very essential part of healing. She has had a lifetime of pain and joy before she became your mum. She too was a young girl full of dreams and desires. Discover that aspect of her to see her a whole being and not just your mother. Being your mum is just one part of her. Find your mother’s life story.

  1. LET GO OF YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF YOUR MOTHER.

What are your expectations: “my mother should always be available,” “my mother should be my best friend,” “my mother should always love me,” and so forth?

STOP! Just stop waiting around to receive the love, support and validation of your mother. You know this – you can never change who she is! As you slowly learn to let go of this expectation, the healing begins.

  1. CHANGE YOUR STORY.

Change your story by being a mother to yourself. Learning to love and nurture the wounded parts of yourself. Caring, seeing and giving voice to your inner child or wounded parts. Learning how to love yourself is a very powerful thing. On this journey, you will discover immense amount of healing and resourcefulness. Your wounds will dissolve into a greater compassion for life and yourself. Your start creating a new inner story with a profound inner acceptance.

Over to you …

Healing the Mother Wound within you will transform your life in amazing ways. You will be able to build healthier relationships with yourself and others. Feel more connected. Learn to live and enjoy life.

So, share with me below: what was life like with your mother? Do you still carry the Mother Wound? Would you like to heal your inner child pain and wounds? Get in Touch with us for a complimentary Get Clarity Coaching Session to determine how we can help you heal from the mother wound

 

How to Love Yourself?

Posted by Anjana Lala on
 February 7, 2017
loving yourself

Do you love yourself?

Do you know that you’re very special and unique? There is no other person like you. You deserve to be loved by the most important person in your life — YOU. We celebrating the month of love starting with YOU. (YOU MATTER YOU SMART YOU KIND YOU POWER YOU  ♥ HEART)

Practicing self-love can be tough for many of us, especially during trying times. It’s not about being self-absorbed or self-centred, it’s about getting in touch with ourselves, our well-being and our joy. We practice self-love so we can break through our limiting beliefs and create & live a life that we truly love.

Below are 21 ways to love yourself: –

  1. Start being honest with yourself about everything going on in your life.
  2. Accept where are right now in your life – without judgement
  3. Connect with your inner self and higher self
  4. Face your inner resistance, barriers and fears
  5. Be kind, compassionate towards yourself
  6. Forgive yourself and others
  7. Make peace with your past
  8. Start enjoying the things and relationships you already have
  9. Start dreaming and doing
  10. Start creating your own happiness
  11. Build and nurture relationships where you feel appreciated and loved. Where you feel safe to be open and vulnerable
  12. Become the love you seek from other people
  13. Pay attention to your stress/worry/tension/anxiety levels and find ways to manage the stress/worry/tension/anxiety.
  14. Be yourself, genuinely and proudly
  15. Nurture and nourish your body
  16. Take care of your time, your space and your finances.
  17. Laugh more in life
  18. Find work and activities you love and that adds joy and meaning
  19. Believe in your abilities
  20. Find the positive during challenging times
  21. Flaunt your Flawsomeness!

Reflections….

Reality of life:  People will come and go.  Events will come and go.  Day and night will come and go.  But deep unconditional love for yourself will always remain with you, if you nurture and nourish it.

“Put these things on your TO-DO list today:

  1. Spend time doing things that help you love yourself more.

  2. Spend time thinking about things that help you love yourself more.

  3. Spend time with people who help you love yourself more.”

Over to YOU…

Which of these points do you struggle with?

How will you love yourself today?

Top 7 Money Mistakes of Women

Posted by Anjana Lala on
 October 23, 2016
money mistakes

Top 7 Money Mistakes of Women

For many women money is a highly sensitive issue. Something uncomfortable and awkward. It is still a taboo subject in this day and age. It’s mind-blogging! Lifestyles have changed and roles of women in the family unit have evolved. Many are single breadwinners. Yet we women are still enticed by the romantic notion of Cinderella.

I am very surprised how many women (mostly independent, employed, sophisticated women, some of them self-identified feminists, some of them professionals, some of them new age feminine thinkers) have the fantasy that some man is going to rescue them financially.

A very dear friend (Sam) was involved with a very wealthy man. I was extremely surprised, when they broke up, at the reaction of our friends. Sam broke up with him. Our friends, who were all independent, employed, sophisticated women, were not particularly supportive. They were all kind of like, “He treats you so well, he’s so rich and he is so nice. What are you doing? Why you leaving him?” You can smell the fear…

It was just amazing to see these very successful, independent and educated women kind of reduced to women out of a Jane Austen novel. Scary!

In my women tribe we talk and write about divorce, sagging boobs and sex, but we don’t really talk about money in a way that is as profound or exploratory. I raise the topic at times but it falls to deaf ears. Why are so many women reluctant to talk openly about the role money plays in their lives and relationships?

Here are the top 7 Money Mistakes of Women:

  1. Money is intricately woven in our self-worth & self-esteem.
  2. Think they don’t know much about investing their money.
  3. Financial compatibility and value is not considered in long term relationships.
  4. Let someone else – a spouse, a parent, a partner, an advisor – take care of everything for us.
  5. Put others’ needs ahead of our own
  6. Do not ask or plan for what we need financially – present and future
  7. Are too embarrassed to talk with our family or friends about money.

What money mistakes are you making as a woman?

I think its time to take your money power back NOW!. Why you need to take control now.

The good news: More women are now the family breadwinner (look at that!). The bad news: We still tend to pass the buck on important money matters, such as investing and retirement.

No need to be scared. There is so much information and knowledge out there to guide you and find solutions to suit your money personality. So be bold & brave take your money power back.

Ready to take charge of your financial future?

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