Archive for sad

Stop Suppressing Your Emotions

Posted by Anjana Lala on
 December 8, 2019

You are a grown woman! Right?

You know how to manage your emotions! Wow that is great!

When you feel anger, sadness, disappointment, rejected, jealous, panicky anxious, and so on, what do you do? You run away from these emotions because they are uncomfortable. You dislike the pain its causes and you suppress your emotions.

After all, that is what you’ve have been taught since childhood

Stop crying. Shut up. Don’t talk. Stop Whining. Go to your room.

Over the years, you hold back your tears, shut your mouth and feelings. There is just no room to express these feelings. So, you spend your entire life in a self-made jail.

This is how you learned to suppress your emotions and thoughts.

Suppressing your emotions is not the best way to manage your emotions. In fact, it can hurt you the following ways:

  1. Living on the side-lines
  2. Lack of desire to do fun things or new things
  3. Lack of commitment in general
  4. Start things don’t finish anything
  5. Disruptive sleeping patterns
  6. Mental anxiety and fatigue
  7. Binge on comfort food
  8. Digestive problems
  9. Lack of focus
  10. Self-doubt and uncertainty
  11. Low self-worth
  12. Lack of healthy personal boundaries
  13. Feeling of unhappiness
  14. Disconnected from Self
  15. Relationship difficulties

Hey there, don’t be glum!

Here are 3 ways that you can learn to express your feelings and thoughts:

  1. Express all your feelings in a journal. Free form. No rules on how you should write or in what order. No editing or judgement. This can be done as a daily practice or ritual before bed or in the morning.
  2. Find an activity to let of steam when feeling angry or upset. Attend a kick-boxing class or Zumba class.
  3. You are human and it’s okay to have these negative feelings. You are not a bad person for having these feelings and thoughts. Go for therapy or hire a life coach make sense of these emotions and thoughts. Get curious and explore & discover way these emotions can serve in your life.

You Human

It’s time you stop suppressing your emotions & thoughts as you always have.

You are human and you will feel full range of emotions. Got That!

There is a difference between suppressing and managing your emotions. Suppressing emotions leads to a mediocre & dull life. Managing emotions leads to an empowered and exciting life.

Stop boxing yourself in a cage.  

Break free and allow yourself to feel/think and express.

 

After Valentines Day

Posted by Anjana Lala on
 February 15, 2018
after valentines day

After Valentines day, were you one of the many incredible and amazing people that had an awful Valentine’s day. I can feel your pain and hurt. Did you dread the day and felt like it was the longest day that would just not end?

Are you feeling not good enough because you did not get flowers, chocolates or gift? No one declared their undying love for you! Do you feel like there is something wrong with you? That is BS. Biggest lie that we tell ourselves. These are all the negative thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves. I have made it my passion to replace: I am not good enough with positive thoughts and vibes.

One way of doing this is using positive affirmations. If you want to up your feel-good factor and confidence I suggest adding positive affirmations to your daily routine. They must be personal, feel sacred and special for you.

I have included my top 10 positive affirmations below as encouragement to create a powerful sentence that inspires you.

  • I love and accept myself just the way I am today
  • I am powerful now. I can achieve anything I put my mind to.
  • I accept and approve of my body
  • I am intelligent, capable and competent
  • I believe in myself and free to be me
  • I trust myself to make good choices in life
  • I allow and give myself permission to receive good things in my life
  • I am completely open to new experiences in life.
  • I am loving lovable and loved
  • I am worthy of love, joy and abundance

How to use your affirmation:

  1. Sit in a quiet place comfortably
  2. Take a deep breath in for a count of 4.
  3. Hold the breath for a count of 4.
  4. Slowly exhale for a count of 6 as you say the affirmation in your mind.
  5. Repeat this process 3 times to invite each affirmation to resonate and vibrate into your mind and body.

Observe your thoughts and feelings during the exercise. Any time you notice a negative thought pattern or feeling, repeat your affirmation. At the end of your session, repeat the breathing exercise you started with. Just breath 3 times – no affirmations. This will help internalise and reinforce your affirmations.

This entire process is to build confidence that your thoughts, feelings and your actions are in alignment.

Reflections…

Reality of life:  People will come and go.  Events will come and go.  Day and night will come and go.  But deep unconditional love for yourself will always remain with you, if you nurture and nourish it. Make it one of your most important priority in life.

Over to YOU…

How are positive affirmations working for you? Do you use affirmations in your life?

Let us know in the comment section

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Breath of Fresh Air

Posted by Anjana Lala on
 February 6, 2018
Breath of fresh air

When last did you get a breath of fresh air into your life? Body? Mind?

I had the privilege of attending a Breathwork Practitioner Course last weekend. I attended the course out of curiosity and to find new breathing methods to help my Trauma/Tension Release Clients. I use many breathing techniques to help my trauma clients relax deeply and to release the repressed trauma from their bodies. My simple curiosity turned into something profound and magical.

Art of Breathing

The breathing techniques were simple in theory but when diving deep into the breathing it revealed many things about my habits and the way my body responds to my thoughts and feelings. It supports me with every thought and feeling. I yawn when I need more oxygen in my body. My breathing becomes laboured during exercising. When I am stressed my breathing becomes short and quick. I sigh when my body is highly stressed, or I am frustrated.  I know you thinking yawning and sighing is being rude but its actually the body’s way to balancing itself. This level of awareness for me was so profound. I got so excited after discovering the magic of breath.

I know you wondering what is the big deal about breathing. It is a big deal. You have a natural gift that you can use to heal, energise and de-stress. Available and accessible to you anytime anywhere. Do you realise how powerful this is?

Let’s explore the Benefits of breathing deeply:

  1. Frees the Breath
  2. Relaxes the Body
  3. Clears the Mind
  4. Calms the Nerves
  5. Boosts Energy levels
  6. Improves Stamina
  7. Sharper Thinking
  8. Elevates Mood
  9. Increases Feel Good Factor
  10. Decreases Stress and Worry
  11. Heightens Alertness and Focus
  12. Improves Posture and Performance
  13. Detoxes the Body from Toxins
  14. Reduces Physical Pain
  15. Improves Response to Stress and Emotions during Challenging times

Breathing correctly means supplying your body with adequate oxygen and replenishing it with fresh air.

This way you navigate life with more vigour, vitality and verve.

Just Breath – (Happy Sigh)

 

Dealing with Disappointment

Posted by Anjana Lala on
 November 15, 2017
dealing with disappointment

Dealing with Disappointment

When last did you feel disappointment?

We experience Disappointment every day. It could be any incident in your life.

Maybe:

Your boss yelled at you for your monthly report, your friend did not pitch up for lunch, your mum did not like the gift, your hubby disliked your delicious meal you so excitedly prepared, you were overlooked for the promotion, the date was horrible, your business failed, your friend betrayed your confidence, your gained weight after all the healthy eating, your boyfriend had to work late on your birthday, and many more…

Disappointment makes you feel sad when things do not work-out as you expected. Some feel numb while others feel rejected. The bigger disappointments can hurt and wound deeply. It all depends how to deal with disappointments. It can affect your self-worth. But maybe not! Hmmm…

Art of Happiness Institute

Disappointment can be good for you. YES that’s correct! I tell you why:

  1. Its means you care deeply and are passionate about something. It’s a beautiful thing. These very emotions that drives you to do something. It motivates you to bring your dreams alive. An indication that you are in touch with your feelings
  2. Let-downs makes you resilient and stronger. I know you have read this so many times and it borders on cliché. But next time you will deal with disappointments in a better way and bounce back quicker because you understand the harsh feelings.
  3. Flops and failures create opportunities to grow (oops another cliché). Disappointments are caused by your expectations. Your expectations are based on your own set of assumptions. Now you have a great opportunity to revisit your assumption about the situation, self-belief and mind-set.  You can get your assumptions more aligned to the world. Finding new ways to achieve your desires. Gaining knowledge about yourself and your interaction with the world. Becoming a little wiser.

Your turn…

How do you deal with disappointment?  What’s the next smallest step you need to take to turn let-downs into opportunities?

Leave a comment below and share your thoughts with us.  We would love to hear from YOU.

 

 

Healing the Mother Wound

Posted by Anjana Lala on
 May 14, 2017
heal the mother would

HEALING THE MOTHER WOUND

Today is mother’s day. for some it’s a day of celebration, warmth and love. for some it’s a painful day full of old wounds surfacing. which one is it for you?

I WANT YOU TO TAKE A MOMENT AND THINK ABOUT THE KIND OF RELATIONSHIP YOU HAD WITH YOUR MOTHER

What did it look like? How did it/does feel? Is it good or sad times?

Mum’s are one of the most pivotal players in our growth as children. They help form the very foundation of our emotional and mental development. To this very day our mums or mother-like person continue to influence us both through our deeply ingrained perceptions of life and through our feelings towards ourselves and other people.

Bless our mothers for they tried their best to nurture us. Consciously or unconsciously some mothers have left deep wounds in their children. – Laced with shame, guilt and obligation.

I just thought I mention this before I continue with this blog. I am writing this blog on the day that should be positive, representing love and nurturing. I am the voice of many who feel it more profoundly today. This is not about making you feel bad it’s about finding some healing of this trauma or wound that resides in your heart and mind.

WHAT IS THE MOTHER WOUND?

The Mother Wound is yearning for your mother’s love.

Its unresolved grief, fear, disappointment and resentment towards our mothers long into our adult lives. This deep pain is usually the result of unhealed wounds that are passed on from generation to generation. These wounds consist of toxic and oppressive beliefs, ideals, perceptions and choices.

If you suffer from the Mother Wound you will experience some of the following challenges:

  1. Sabotaging yourself when you experience happiness or success
  2. Possessing undefined personal boundaries.
  3. Cannot say NO and being too submissive
  4. Self-blaming and low self-esteem. Feeling inadequate
  5. Co-dependency relationships
  6. Playing small to be likable and accepted
  7. The inability to speak up
  8. Not in touch with yourself – numb
  9. Self-Sacrificing for other people unnecessarily
  10. Waiting for your mother’s permission on an unconscious level to truly live life

LET’S EXPLORE WHERE DOES THE MOTHER WOUND COME FROM

Women have lived under patriarchal reign for centuries. This very patriarchal society and religions have been instrumental in defining a cultural ideal of what motherhood “should” be.

Because of unrealistic standards, women abandon their dreams, lock away their desires and stifle their needs to strive towards this cultural ideal. This repression is stifling for most women, breeding anger, depression and anxiety, which is then passed on to their children through subtle – or even aggressive – forms of emotional abandonment and manipulation (such as shame, guilt and obligation). This is the Mother Wound!

Don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming our mothers. It’s getting to understand the mother wound a little better. The good news is that you can learn to understand, repair and heal the wounded parts of you.

It’s vital to remember that our mothers are human with flaws. The sooner we embrace this reality, the better. They are not super-women. We would like them to be. It’s an impossible task. We must understand how much our mothers have gone through in the face of these oppressive ideals and unrealistic expectations. It is important that we realize that our mothers have their own wounds as a result. So, they cannot be perfect, (we not perfect too) no matter how hard they try. Do you get this? It’s crucial that you understand this. This is a great way towards forgiveness.

3 STEPS TO HEALING THE MOTHER WOUND

Healing the Mother Wound is a great way to embark on the awakening of the divine feminine within you (this subject is for another blog).

As a woman and a little girl who carries a very deep Mother Wound, I have experienced just how lonely and saddening it can be to feel the emotional and mental absence of your mother. I want to share with you three tips that will help you on your healing path (it has helped me and is still healing me):

  1. LEARN TO SEE YOUR MOTHER AS A PERSON

Say it with me – My mother is a person first then she is my mother. It’s a very essential part of healing. She has had a lifetime of pain and joy before she became your mum. She too was a young girl full of dreams and desires. Discover that aspect of her to see her a whole being and not just your mother. Being your mum is just one part of her. Find your mother’s life story.

  1. LET GO OF YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF YOUR MOTHER.

What are your expectations: “my mother should always be available,” “my mother should be my best friend,” “my mother should always love me,” and so forth?

STOP! Just stop waiting around to receive the love, support and validation of your mother. You know this – you can never change who she is! As you slowly learn to let go of this expectation, the healing begins.

  1. CHANGE YOUR STORY.

Change your story by being a mother to yourself. Learning to love and nurture the wounded parts of yourself. Caring, seeing and giving voice to your inner child or wounded parts. Learning how to love yourself is a very powerful thing. On this journey, you will discover immense amount of healing and resourcefulness. Your wounds will dissolve into a greater compassion for life and yourself. Your start creating a new inner story with a profound inner acceptance.

Over to you …

Healing the Mother Wound within you will transform your life in amazing ways. You will be able to build healthier relationships with yourself and others. Feel more connected. Learn to live and enjoy life.

So, share with me below: what was life like with your mother? Do you still carry the Mother Wound? Would you like to heal your inner child pain and wounds? Get in Touch with us for a complimentary Get Clarity Coaching Session to determine how we can help you heal from the mother wound

 

15 Stress Busting Tips

Posted by Anjana Lala on
 April 12, 2017

15 Stress Busting Tips

Stress Busting is really needed in today’s fast paced world. Stress is something that everybody deals in their lives. The right dose of stress can actually be good for us. It can make us perform better when needed.

However, if you are in constant state of anxiety and stress it can begin to take its toll, physically, mentally and emotionally. To live a happy and healthy life we need to learn how to deal with stress effectively. I used to get stressed out about so many things, some of which were nothing to stress out about at all. Over the years though, I have learnt many techniques and tools that help me effectively deal with stressful times in my life.

So next time you feel that stress creeping in, try out some of my stress-busting tips. I’d love to share them with you, because although they might seem like common sense, you’d be surprised how many of them you simply aren’t doing.

My 15 Stress Busting Tips:  

  1. Manage your time effectively & Prep for tomorrow.
  2. Change to a healthy lifestyle – Eat, Exercise and Rest Well
  3. Know your limitations and learn to say NO
  4. Avoid unnecessary conflict
  5. Label your negative feelings causing stress – write it down.
  6. Unplug from cellphone, email, text messages, internet
  7. Accept the things you cannot change
  8. Laugh Out Loud
  9. Meditate to relieve stress
  10. Turn up the tunes and dance the stress away
  11. Take care of yourself  to recharge your batteries
  12. Recall one good thing that happened on that day.
  13. Find time to meet friends and have some fun
  14. Try to see things differently, develop a positive thinking style
  15. Avoid alcohol, nicotine and caffeine as coping mechanisms

Over to You

How do you manage your stress levels?

Please let us know. Don’t be shy. Insert your stress buster in the comments section. We would love to hear from you.

1 Simple Phrase that will Change Your Thinking

Posted by Anjana Lala on
 April 3, 2017
One Simple Phrase that will Change Your THinking

One Simple Powerful Phrase that Will Change Your Thinking.

Yes! You are reading correctly. I know it sounds unrealistic and sounds too good to be true Let me elaborate.

Every day we experience life. These experiences develop into little stories. The stories that impact us the most (positive and negative) are stored internally. They entail details of our experiences, about people, places and about life in general. The stories significantly impact how we feel. If the stories are positive, we tend to feel good. If the stories are negative, we tend to lose hope.

The stories we tell ourselves don’t just influence how we feel – they alter what we see, what we experience, and what we know to be true. This is one of the primary reasons multiple people can go through the same experience, but explain it differently. E.g. People witness the same accident but the details will be different – feeling, colour, texture, behaviour, etc. Each of us may enter a shared experience with a different story echoing through our mind. Our unique story – our inner dialogue – alters the way we feel every step of the way, and so each of us exits this shared experience with a slightly different feeling about what just happened.

If we want to get on the same page with one another, and garner a better understanding of reality, we must do a little work.

Perspective is Everything – Blindfold people and put an elephant in front of them – each person’s interpretation.

PerspectiveOur wide-range of different painful past experiences: Being deeply heartbroken, lost our parents, siblings or children to accidents and illnesses, dealt with infidelity, fired from jobs discriminated against for various reasons, being bullied, etc. At times, we experience a situation that triggers our painful story from the past, it shifts our perspective in the present – it narrows it.

It’s just a defence mechanism to protect us from uncertainty and fear. Our mind does not like the discomfort of uncertainty and fear. So, our mind uses the information from our past stories to eliminate the doubts and fears. Our old stories and past experiences are filters to make better sense of everything in the present. And while this approach works sometimes, other times our old stories and past experiences hinder us.

This is where a little reframing helps us move forward. Reframing tools have been proven to change our thoughts and stretch our perspectives. Today, I want to take a brief look at one of these reframing tools with you…

1 Simple Phrase that can change your thinking:

“There is a real possibility that …” – A Reframing Tool

Many of the biggest misunderstandings in life could be avoided if we would simply take the time to ask, Is there another side to the story.

Here’s how it works…

“There is a real possibility that …” can be applied to any life situation,

For example, perhaps your boyfriend didn’t call you in the morning like they said they would. You’re feeling upset because you’re obviously not important to him. When you catch, yourself feeling this way, use the phrase:

“The story I am telling myself is that he didn’t call me because I’m not important to him.”

Then ask yourself:

  1. Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)
  2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
  3. How do I feel and behave, what happens, when i believe that thought or story?

Give yourself the space to think it all through with an open mind and kindness.

“I don’t know why he has not called yet, but there is a real possibility that…”

  1. “…he is extremely busy at work.”
  2. “…he had an early meeting so he switched off his phone.”
  3. “…his phone battery is dead.”
  4. “…forgot his phone in the car.”
  5. Etc.

Challenge Yourself to Think Differently

“There is a real possibility that…” and the three related questions gives you a tool for revisiting and reframing confusing situations that arise in your life. Detach yourself from the stories you’re telling yourself. Go deeper into reality. Don’t just look at the surface. Explore. Observe without presuming. Discover. With an objective mindset, which allows you to make better decisions and choices about everything.

So, challenge yourself to use this tool… to think differently.

“Who knows what you’ll see when you stop looking through a lens drastically narrowed by half-truths, and you start seeing things with a clearer mind. Maybe you’ll start seeing things you never saw before. Maybe you’ll start experiencing things you never experienced before. Maybe you’ll learn lots of new lessons you needed to learn. And maybe you’ll gradually become the person you always knew you could be.”

Thought for the Road…

At the very least, I hope this post reminds you that positive thinking isn’t about expecting the best to happen every time – it’s about accepting what happens every moment, being aware and objective, and making the very best of every situation.

Think Better Do Better Live Better!

Build Your Confidence

Posted by Anjana Lala on
 October 5, 2016
Build your confidence

Building your confidence is an inside job.

The rock solid foundation that you seek comes from within. Not outside. Plenty has been written about building self-confidence – creating a plan, setting goals, finding the right mentor, etc. We taking a slightly different approach. The below will help build your confidence.

We believe these 7 things can help build confidence and roll with the punches.

  1. Do one thing that makes you feel uncomfortable.
  2. Fail fast and fail often.
  3. Be wrong and be OK with it.
  4. Compliment others to make them feel awesome
  5. Laugh in the face of frustration.
  6. Ignore what most people think of you.
  7.  Now is the Perfect Time to Do.

Your turn…

If you were able to maintain a level of self-confidence that no circumstance could shake, what would you be doing differently?

Also, what would you add to the list?  What has helped you build your confidence?

Please let us know by leaving a comment below.

20 Things Stealing Your Happiness

Posted by Anjana Lala on
 March 19, 2016
Art of Happiness Institute

What is stealing your happiness?

Do you know? Do have a clue?

20 things that Cloud, Cover, Disrupt or Rob your Happiness in life.

Many things that are stealing you of your joys are habits we have developed. It’s what we believe to be correct.

Our happiness is a gift we are all born with. Its an inner switch. An inner knowing.

If we choose to develop it, focus on it and use it. It’s also quite simple to rediscover that inner joy and happiness — it just takes a little awareness and practice to develop new thoughts and habits. Here are some areas in your life that could be preventing you from switching on your happiness:-

  1. Complaining
  2. Gossip
  3. Talking down to yourself
  4. The stories we tell ourselves
  5. Comparing yourself to others
  6. Putting things off
  7. Fear of future
  8. Living in the past
  9. Holding on to Old pain and wounds
  10. Doing everything yourself
  11. Not prioritizing your life
  12. Starting many things and not finishing it
  13. Waiting for things to be perfect
  14. Trying to please everybody
  15. Not keeping your word
  16. Worried about what other people think of you or will say
  17. Not living your life
  18. Making the same mistakes expecting different outcomes
  19. Waiting for inspiration and life to happen
  20. Focusing on everything that is wrong in life

Be a good finder — to look for the good or some good in yourself and everything that happens and every person you meet. Actively find something good.

Use this affirmation daily: “Every day is a good day. Every place is a good place. Every person is a good person. Every thing is a good thing.”  Tell yourself that until it becomes a reality in your life. In your mind and heart. A strong belief about happiness.

I believe that the more you focus on what is good and right in life and celebrate it, the more happiness you will have. So there you have it — 20 things that can steal your happiness.

Choose One that is causing you unhappiness and find your way to change it to Switch on Your Happiness.

 

 

 

Power of I AM ….

Posted by Anjana Lala on
 February 15, 2016
POWER OF I AM

I AM is the expressions all about you.

The power of I am really makes you feel great or makes you feel totally yukkie.

The power of I am can make your day or spoil your day

The power of I am can make a day of wonder or a day of disappointment

The power of I am can create adventures or leave you on the side-lines

The power of I am can create meaning or leaves you empty

The power of I am ……….what?

What is your I am? Does it empower you or discourage you?

I AM is the expressions all about you.

I AM is one of the most important aspect of self-belief. It’s the driving factor in life. The ‘I AM’ decides which road to take. How the journey will be. Which spot to stop to look and admire. Which spot to drive pass and just take a glance. Sometimes just looking at the road and missing the beauty of the journey and drive. The ‘I AM’ determines how fast you go. You pass a detour – ‘I AM’ will decide to navigate the unknown route or just take the safe path. Within comfort zones.

Throughout life you’ve been through conditioning that created a mind-set overflowing with I am nots. As a schoolchild with a less than satisfactory grades, you thought to yourself, I am not smart. You place anywhere other than number one and tell yourself, I am not talented. You get told over & over that you have such great potential for all your projects. Never a word of well done. You feel criticized and believe that I am not good at anything!

You look in the mirror and compare yourself to a glamorous models tell yourself, I am not beautiful. You not asked out to the prom and you think, I am unloved or I am unworthy. These, and many many more like these I am nots, are repeated throughout your developmental years and into adulthood, and become your ingrained core defining self-perception.

Overcoming this I am not attitude begins with trusting your inner world. There are no boundaries restricting your inner world. But your worldview and your self-concept in the outer world are defined by your five senses.

How to get in touch with your I AM ….

  1. Run through a large list as you can of the things that you would like to define your life.
  2. Then make the shift in your imagination from ‘I am not or I am hoping to become’ to I am. You want what follows I am to be congruent with your highest self.
  3. Beginning with your inner dialogue, simply change the words that define your concept of yourself.

Eg. Instead of I am incapable of getting a job, shift to I am capable.

I am unlucky in love is replaced by I am love.

I am unworthy of happiness becomes I am happiness.

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What is your I am? Does it empower you or discourage you?

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